AVATAR

(December 2009, U.S.)

I've got a lot to talk about here, so grab yourself a Coke & smile and follow along. First, I'd like to talk about the film itself and then move on to the actual digital 3D theatrical experience.

To begin with, there is almost nothing truly original about the story of AVATAR. Try to imagine a sci-fi version of DANCES WITH WOLVES and the story of POCAHONTAS. Then throw in some elements of RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983), JURASSIC PARK (1993), INDEPENDENCE DAY (1996), THE MATRIX (1999) and James Cameron's own ALIENS (1986) and you've pretty much got the crust of the whole movie. And by the way - those floating mountains of Pandora? Well, lets just say that Cameron must have owned a copy of the 1973 live Yes album, YESSONGS, because the artwork of Roger Dean has clearly been ripped off here. Take a look...



So, we basically have an epic science fiction film that has borrowed from everything it can think of and has almost nothing new to contribute to the screen in terms of story. But strike me down, people, because in spite of all this I can't help but love and enjoy the film anyway! The colorful fantasy of this magical planet and the people that inhabit it are simply dazzling! The action is hardcore without being cheesy or insulting to the intelligence. Even the acting is well done. Sigourney Weaver's return to work with Cameron (they did ALIENS together) is most welcomed in the role of a tough-talking scientist who's also a maternal figure at heart. Stephen Lang has to be the toughest badass motherfucker I've seen on screen since Sylvester Stallone (Lang is the same man who played the passive character of Happy in DEATH OF A SALESMAN back in 1985)! There are also cliche messages here, such as man's relationship with the environment he's supposed to be protecting instead of destroying and the struggle between the good of the scientists and the violent madness of the military. And beauty...there's plenty of beauty, too.

AVATAR is one of those films that received an overkill of hype upon its release. So naturally, I resisted seeing it. I'm happy to have discovered that it was actually a film worthy of the hype it generated. After all is judged and analyzed, it comes down to being just a fun science fiction film!

Now let's talk about the experience of seeing AVATAR in the theater in digital 3D. Let me start by saying that before this film, I'd only been to three 3D movies in my life. The first was JAWS 3-D (hey, it was my first. What did I know?). The second was a midnight screening of FRIDAY THE 13TH 3-D (when you're in college, you often see a lot of crap!) and a revival screening of DIAL M FOR MURDER (even the great Alfred Hitchcock was entitled to do something silly once in a while). All three times had me wearing the classic paper 3D glasses that they used in the 1950's. They've improved on that and now give you real plastic glasses to wear instead. The problem is that if you're not used to wearing glasses, these things have a tendancy to painfully pinch the space between your eyes while you're watching. And what if you already wear glasses? Are you seriously supposed to sit there for two and a half hours wearing one pear of glasses on top of another (remember Robert Stack in AIRPLANE?) Another thing I discovered is that when you're watching the movie head-on at the center, the picture at the left and right side of the screen tend to bleed. And let's face it - in my opinion, all of this bullshit 3D gimmickry does NOT make for a better film. For me, dazzling special effect do not look any better just because they're in front of my face. In the end, gimmicks are nothing more than just plain gimmicks. And as if all of THIS isn't bad enough, I've even read of cases where people developed eye infections as a result of wearing these glasses that may not have been properly sterilized after the person before them was wearing them. How fucking typical!

Finally, one of the most infuriating elements of the 3D experience is the absolute outrageous notion that Hollywood and theater chains have that they can now ask for ticket prices that have gone as high as $19.50 (in New York City). Let me repeat that...$19.50 for the price of a single movie ticket so you can experience silly 3D effects for films that have often not been filmed in 3D in the first place! Brother, for a whopping $19.50 that ticket had better come with a deluxe pizza, a six-pack of Coronas (with lime!) and a gorgeous piece of ass to share it with me! Hollywood has always been filled with greedy, money-grubbing pimps, but if this latest tool of movie marketing and rip-off is the future of cinema, THEN I WANT NO PART OF IT! By the way, I'm not the only one with these strong convictions.

So, bottom line - AVATAR is a great film to be enjoyed more if you're watching it in the comfort of your own home without the gimmicks and the insane ticket price. Finally, for your interest - though I recently took my little boy to see TOY STORY 3, as of this date, I haven't been to a movie (in a theater) geared towards grown-ups since AVATAR back in January 2010. Just goes to show you what I think of much of today's movies!

Favorite line or dialogue:

Dr. Max Patel: "Grace, this is Jake Sully."
Jake Sully: "Madame."
Dr. Grace Augustine: "Yeah, yeah, I know who you are and I don't need you. I need your brother. You know, the PHD who trained for three years for this mission."
Jake: "He's dead. I know it's a big inconvenience for everyone."
Grace: "How much lab training have you had?"
Jake: "I dissected a frog once."
Grace: "You see? You see? I mean they're just pissing on us without even the courtesy of calling it rain!"