Sunday, February 23, 2020

TOP GUN



(May 1986, U.S.)

Not since I was ten years-old in 1977 when SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER was released, had a known a movie to have such an impact on the popular culture around me and affected how people dressed, spoke their dialogue and even acknowledged the world around them. TOP GUN was the greatest action spectacle to speak the voice of the great American spirit since RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD-PART II one year prior. But its spirit went beyond the big screen. Sales of the Schott G-1 bomber jacket (or variations of it) and Ray-Ban aviator sun glasses spiked following the film’s release, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I saved up part of my summer salary to buy a pair of the same glasses Tom Cruise wore. Women everywhere quickly learned just how wonderful a game of volleyball could be when played by a group of well-built and topless pilots. And finally, when many saw the movie, they actually declared, "Wow! I want to be a pilot!", and the effects were felt on military recruiting when the U.S. Navy stated the number of young men joining, wanting to be Naval Aviators, went up by five hundred percent. If that isn’t a prime example of the effect of movies on our personal lives, then I don’t know what is.

TOP GUN was the first Tom Cruise movie I went to see on screen since 1983. Whatever he’d done since then, I’d had little interest in. This new movie about young naval aviator pilots given the opportunity to train their fighter skills at the U.S. Navy’s Fighter Weapons School seemed too irresistible a big screen experience to pass up. Even in just a three year period, it looked as if Tom Cruise had grown up considerably since playing the seemingly innocent Joel Goodson in RISKY BUSINESS, or perhaps it was just the fact that he was now a badass fighter pilot dressed in military clothing that made him seem so much older. But it also opened my eyes to the reality of our American fighter pilots; they were young men, practically still boys, and hardly the older looking men I’d seen in old war films on TV. The pilots who possessed the invaluable skills that defended our country against all enemies didn’t actually look like John Wayne or someone of that bygone era. As Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Cruise looked like he could’ve been one of the camp counselors I knew when I was a kid.

I was unsure of the movie when I first saw it. Was there no more to the plot than just a bunch of boys improving their fighter pilot skills at a special "Top Gun" school for the best of the best? My cynicism was brief, as I soon realized just how much the spectacular visual photography and action easily sucked me into the lives of these hot shot pilots and their ongoing need for speed and competition. Maverick’s character, as well as his wing-man and best friend "Goose" (played by Anthony Edwards), is an interesting character not only in the pride he holds toward the honor of defending his country, but also his humorous side that enables him to "buzz" the tower when doing a flyby and breaking into song with "You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feeling" when trying to pick up an older woman in a bar. The woman is none other than a civilian consultant and instructor named "Charlie" (played by Kelly McGillis) whom Maverick has to obey, even as the two of them become closer and romantically involved. On a daily basis, competition for the ultimate Top Gun trophy is strict, fierce and not without consequence. During an incident in a jet wash of another aircraft, Maverick’s plane goes into an uncontrollable spin and Goose is ejected and killed when he hits the jettisoned aircraft canopy head-first. As tragic as this is, I realize that a death is probably inevitable, as all of the ongoing gung-ho excitement and fun can't possibly last forever. Heartbroken over the loss of his best friend, Maverick’s pain and guilt worsens when the board of inquiry clears him of any responsibility for Goose’s death, and as a result, his flying skills diminish. Attempts to console him by Charlie and others fail, and it looks as though Maverick will quit the entire show.

Choosing to return for the Top Gun graduation party, Maverick and the other pilots are informed of a crisis situation in hostile waters. Now we finally see these hot shot boys in their F-14 jets involved in some real action against Soviet fighters and their MiGs. This, like STAR WARS, is the great battle scene, and it doesn't fail to deliver. America is in the air with our enemies and we’re going to show them a thing or two. We do, forcing the remaining two MiGs to flee. Upon the pilot’s triumphant return to their ship, we can't help but cheer with our pilots because we're Americans, and we knew how to kick ass when we have to. Oh yeah, Maverick and Charlie get back together, but honestly, by then, you hardly care about love and romance in a movie meant to pump up the adrenalin and get your juices flowing.

In a film that’s not science fiction and doesn’t involve CGI, TOP GUN surely features some of the most incredible and electrifying aerial action footage shot on film, right on par with FIREFOX and BLUE THUNDER, though it can be argued that the action in the air is so great, it leaves little for the audience to contend with when the characters aren’t aboard their planes. Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis have an almost implausible chemistry with each other, as if designed only to accommodate the fact that Charlie is Maverick’s teacher and superior, and therefore the significant "cougar" age difference being a necessity to that fact.

One of the most personal stories associated with this film is not for myself, but rather an old college friend whom I shall call Greg S. (because that's really his name). Put simply, Greg loved TOP GUN, and may have even considered it his favorite film for a time. The third time I saw the film on screen was with him at a second run showing at my local college movie theater. Even as I kept my eyes on the screen, I could see Greg fixated in a way I hadn’t seen with anyone else before (clearly this wasn’t his first time experiencing this). When it was over, I recall a conversation of enthusiasm and spirit I’d never had about a movie before. Some years later, after I left college and moved back home, I heard rumors that Greg had left school, and like many other die-hard fans of TOP GUN, joined the Air Force Reserves, wanting to become a pilot. Now, because I’m still friends with him today, I know for a fact that his joining the military had nothing to do with a movie and was simply rumor. While his true reason for joining is hardly relevant anymore, I do know that he served his country in Desert Storm at the start of the ‘90s, and we gratefully thank him for his service. Today, he’s a man of true faith and a published author of fiction and poetry.

Even as we all wait to see what the sequel TOP GUN: MAVERICK will bring us when it’s released in the summer of 2020, one can’t help but recognize the relevance the original film can still deliver in today’s mixed up world of Donald Trump, where we’re constantly trying to define what truly makes "America great". Perhaps we can still define it with the spirit of a movie like TOP GUN and that one golden moment when, like Maverick, we’re still excited to "feel the need, the need for speed!"

Favorite line or dialogue:

Stinger: "Maverick, you just did an incredibly brave thing. What you should have done was land your plane! You don’t own that plane, the tax payers do! Son, your ego is writing checks your body can’t cash! You’ve been busted, you lost your qualifications as section leader three times, put in hack twice by me, with a history of high speed passes over five air control towers, and one admiral’s daughter!"









Sunday, February 16, 2020

TOOTSIE



(December 1982, U.S.)

Ladies and gentlemen, and children of all ages - allow me to tell you a story about the late Sidney Pollack's film TOOTSIE, and how it related to my youth when I was fifteen years old.
In March 1982, I got into a big fight with my mother because I told her I was seeing the movie VICTOR/VICTORIA with a friend. She absolutely refused to allow me to see "a movie like that", as she put it. "Like what?", I replied. She proceeded to describe how the movie was about degenerate people who dressed up in drag costumes. "Mom, it’s a musical!" I said, to which she concluded the fight by declaring, "I don’t care!" It took me a while to understand her (unreasonable) feelings, but it appeared my mother suffered from some form of homophobia. Nonetheless, I was faced with the embarrassing task of telling my friend I couldn’t go to the movie. When he asked why, I made up a silly excuse because, frankly, I just couldn’t wrap my head around the real reason. I mean, it was just a movie; it’s not like I was going to a porn theater in Manhattan. This memory is relevant to me because by the end of that same year, when my family prepared to see TOOTSIE, I started a conversation with my mother that went something like this,

"Mom, do you remember last spring when you wouldn’t let me see Victor/Victoria?"
"Yes. What about it?"
"That was a movie about a woman who dressed like a man. How come we’re going to see a movie about a man who dresses like a woman?"
"This movie is different."
"Why?"
"Because it’s funny!"

Was she serious? What the hell did that mean? Whatever logical conviction she thought made sense to her, made absolutely no sense to me. There was a hypocrisy taking place here that I didn’t understand. Unfortunately, when you’re a kid who’s practically been told to shut up by his mother, you simply do it without argument because you just want to go to the movies with your family in peace.

Despite my love for the movies, I never once had any aspirations to be an actor. My conviction is confirmed with TOOTSIE. Listening to Michael Dorsey (played by Dustin Hoffman, whom I remembered well from KRAMER VS. KRAMER), I believed actors spent their lives looking for work and not getting any. Instead, they ended up as waiters in restaurants. Despite these difficulties, Michael is determined to make it as an actor and encouraged his friends to have the same discipline and commitment. As a perfectionist, however, Michael is impossible to work with. Even his well-known agent George Fields (played by director himself Sidney Pollack) can't help him. During an argument in George’s office, he and Michael shout at each other about the time Michael played a tomato for a commercial and refused to sit down. This is still the funniest and most stupid argument I've ever heard in a movie. To finally get a good paying job, Michael goes to extremes and auditions for a female part on a soap opera dressed as a woman. Instead of Michael Dorsey, he goes by the name of Dorothy Michaels. It works because he gets the part by performing the role as a tough, no-nonsense feminist who won't take crap from men. He fools them all and he even fools his agent for a time, when he meets him at the Russian Tea Room. The moment when George is shocked to see how Michael has transformed himself is hilarious not just because of the surprise element, but also because of the look on poor George’s face when he realizes just how far Michael has gone to get a job. This is a rare moment where I can appreciate just how far one’s facial expression can take a scene in a movie. Sometimes words weren’t necessary to get the point across.

As Dorothy becomes a TV soap opera sensation, Michael is living two lives and is intrigued by just how far he can take his new female personality. In a scene inside the bedroom of his best friend Sandy (played by Teri Garr), he stands in front of her mirror staring at himself, alters his facial expression, and says, "Why, yes!" at himself in a feminine voice. Then he gets undressed while Sandy is in the shower so he can try on one of her dresses. She catches him in his underwear, and the only way he can get out of the situation is to tell her that he wants her, even if he really doesn't, because after all, they're just friends:

"Sandy, I want you.", he says as he walks toward her in his underwear.
"You want me?", she asks in disbelief pointing to her own body, lacking any self-esteem.

This isn’t much dialogue, but it says wonders about the two characters, their history as friends, and the drastic step they're about to take. The unexpected sex between them begins an act of deception by Michael toward Sandy. At the same time, Michael is falling in love with his beautiful co-star Julie (played by Jessica Lange), who only knows him as Dorothy and who's also dating the show’s director, Ron (played by Dabney Coleman). By all accounts, he's a sexist and a total jerk because of the way he disrespects the women in his life. There's a scene at a party which teaches us a great deal about the flaws of human nature in which Michael is there (as Michael) with George, and Julie is there, too. In a previous scene, at Julie’s apartment, she confesses to Dorothy that it would be a relief if just once a guy would come up to her and skip the usual pick-up lines and role playing and just come right out and say, "I find you very interesting and I’d really like to make love to you." Having that knowledge, Michael repeats that very line to Julie at the party. It backfires when, instead of being relieved and flattered, she throws her drink in his face. It seems that people, regardless of what they may say to other people, don't necessarily want what they said to actually happen, and if it do, they won't necessarily react the way they thought they would. In other words, be careful what you wish for, you may get it.

As Dorothy, life gets very complicated. On top of everything else, she's being pursued by two men; Julie’s father and an older cast member on the show. Do men really find Dorothy attractive? Sorry, but I just don't see it. As a straight man, Michael fights off such advances (Julie’s father even proposes marriage and gives her/him a ring).
If Michael doesn't think of something fast, he’ll spend the rest of his life as Dorothy Michaels. The opportunity to get out of this gig presents itself when the show is in the unexpected situation of having to perform a party scene live instead of being taped. Before we know what's happening, Dorothy is off on an uncontrollable verbal rant, improvising a strange backstory as she goes along, almost to the point of a stuttering panic. Finally, at the crucial moment, with the audience watching live (including Sandy and Julie’s father), Dorothy wipes off her makeup, takes off her wig, and reveals herself to be Michael Dorsey. The jig is up, the mask is off, and Michael is free, but not before he receives a good punch in the stomach from Julie. The aftermath is what you'd expect, with Michael making amends with those he hurt, including Julie and her father, too. She confesses to missing Dorothy, and Michael tries to make it better by telling her, "I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man." She forgives him when she askes him to lend her a yellow dress.

My family and I not only loved TOOTSIE when we first saw it in 1982, but it was one of the most fun times we’d had at the movies in a long time. Laughter being contagious, it was always a pleasure to see my mother let herself go for two hours and give in to the feeling and freedom of allowing herself the joy to laugh at wild situations and stupidity. My own laughter at such a movie took on extra meaning because I was able to share it with someone who didn’t laugh too much at the movies. However, I still never got a reasonable explanation to why TOOTSIE was acceptable and VICTOR/VICTORIA wasn’t. In a way, this movie represented strange timing for me because I’d recently gotten caught up in the popular ABC soap opera General Hospital. It started in 1981 when nearly every kid in my high school freshman class was going on about the wedding of Luke and Laura as the biggest event on TV. Plagued by curiosity, I couldn’t resist seeing what all the hubbub was about. Well, after one hour of drama and intrigue, I had to see what would happen in the next episode…and the next…and the next (I surrendered nine years of my life to that show until 1990, when I finally decided the writing became too stupid to bother with anymore). Watching the actions and drama of the soap opera in TOOTSIE gave me a somewhat interesting insight as to what possibly went on behind the camera of a real-life soap opera…minus the man in drag, of course.

The film remains one of the funniest I’ve ever seen (the "tomato" argument still cracks me up every time). It’s noteworthy that in his long career, this was the only real comedy Sydney Pollack ever directed (sorry, but THE ELECTRIC HORSEMAN just wasn’t funny). Besides paying homage to the Billy Wilder classic SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959), as well as other slapstick comedies of the 1940s, the film perfectly combines the outrageous farce of the modern TV soap opera and New York City show business with relevant social points about sexism. At the beginning of the film, we’re unclear on Michael’s position on women, having no romantic interest in his life. As his life progresses as Dorothy Michaels, however, he develops a better understanding of women as he lives through his own hell in their shoes. Aside from the defense he’s forced to maintain against men who want him physically, he preaches his own public sermon regarding a woman’s need for respect and to be treated fairly and equally among men. At the very least, they should be referred to by their name and not some cheap pet name like honey, baby, or "Tootsie".

As the traditional situation comedy, this is far from traditional (forget even the best set of circumstances you’ve seen on classic situation comedies like I LOVE LUCY or THREE'S COMPANY). The film doesn’t go off half-cocked by trying to shove cheap laughs in our face. Those responsible for writing it use as much common sense as possible. Michael isn’t going all out in drag just to deceive people or pretend to be something he’s not for his own personal gratification. This is a man that’s been mostly unemployed for twenty years and enough is finally enough. When the chance presents itself to work steadily for a good paycheck, Michael does what he has to do, even if it means screwing his best friend Sandy out of a possible audition he could’ve helped her get. Whatever moral intentions and obligations that follow his acting success are primarily fueled by his love for Julie, and the fact that one of the reasons he can’t have her (besides the obvious) is because she’s lowered her own standards to be the girlfriend of her chauvinist pig director. To have to watch a woman he cares about go through this brings out his own need to try and improve the lives of other woman, both on TV as a character actress and in real life with Julie.
Dorothy is not attractive, and Micheal knows this. She is, however, very well-groomed and very confident in herself, and it’s this alone that likely makes her a turn-on to certain men who admire these qualities and even find them sexy. Despite being a kind woman with a big heart, she also knows how to defend herself very well against those who go too far with her (even men on the street who try to take her taxi away from her), the reason being because as a man who was, perhaps, also a chauvinist before he put on the dress, is finally learning how it feels at the other end.

The film is perfectly cast. I can’t think of any combination of actors in which the chemistry doesn’t work well. From Dustin Hoffman and Bill Murray as roommates, to Dustin and Jessica as girlfriends, to Dustin and Sydney Pollack biting each other’s head off. Pollack is particularly funny as Michael’s nervous and impatient agent trying to cope with his clients insane antics. I can only feel for the poor man immediately wanting a double vodka when he sees just how far Michael went to get ahead in show business. The tomato argument is played out so flawlessly, I’d find it hard to believe if the two men didn’t get it right in just the first take. The two of them make you believe that an otherwise intelligent man would throw away a good job opportunity simply because he cannot comprehend the logic behind a tomato that’s required to sit down. TOOTSIE is, in its own special way, a poignant film of laughter that reminded us of the pleasure of life’s silliness, even while maintaining its common sense, its intelligence, and its social messages.

How can you go wrong with that?

Favorite line or dialogue:

Michael Dorsey: "Are you saying that nobody in New York will work with me?"
George Fields: "No, no, that's too limited. Nobody in Hollywood wants to work with you either. I can't even send you up for a commercial. You played a tomato for thirty seconds, they went a half a day over schedule because you wouldn't sit down."
Michael: "Yes, it wasn't logical."
George: "YOU WERE A TOMATO! A tomato doesn't have logic! A tomato can't move!"
Michael: "That's what I said! So if he can't move, how's he gonna sit down, George? I was a stand-up tomato: a juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato! Nobody does vegetables like me!
I did an evening of vegetables off-Broadway! I did the best tomato, the best cucumber, I did an endive salad that knocked the critics on their ass!"

Sunday, February 9, 2020

TOMORROW NEVER DIES



(December 1997, U.S.)

On December 31, 1997, I experienced my final New Year's Eve before meeting the woman who'd one day become my wife. On January 1, 1998, I went to see TOMORROW NEVER DIES with my ex-girlfriend who was as much a James Bond fan as I was. Honestly, the two dates have absolutely nothing to do with each other. I just thought it would be a different way to introduce this post to an otherwise fun and formulaic James Bond movie.

So, imagine a Bond movie with a touch of Sidney Lumet's NETWORK (1976) and Orson Welles's' CITIZEN KANE (1941), in which Bond (played by Pierce Brosnan for the second time) attempts to defeat power-mad media baron Elliot Carver (played by Jonathan Pryce in a role intended to pay homage to American newspaper publisher William Randolph Hearst) from influencing world events that could inevitably lead to World War III. "M" (played by Judi Dench for the second time) sends Bond to investigate Carver after he releases fake news article about a crisis in the South China Sea hours before MI6 has learned about it. Arriving in Hamburg, Bond attends a a major media event sponsored by Carver, and in the process, seduces his ex-girlfriend Paris (played by Teri Hatcher) who also happens to be Carver's wife, while trying to obtain information from her. Like so many other "secondary" Bond girls before her, Paris is killed when Carver discovers the truth between her and Bond. But fortunately, not before we get a good look at her ass behind black panties and garters...


Traveling to the South China Sea, Bond meets Chinese agent Wai Lin (played by Michelle Yeoh) who's on the same case. Working together now, the experience thrills, chills, perils, capture and escapes as they work with the Royal Navy and the People's Liberation Army Air Force to explain Carver's ultimate plot, which is to destroy the Chinese government with a stolen missile, allowing a Chinese general to step in and stop war between China and Great Britain, both of which have waged a naval war against each other. Following the conflict, Carver will achieve exclusive broadcasting rights in China. But like any other Bond crisis, the great villain is defeated and killed by our British hero, and he and the "Bond girl" share their final romantic moment before the end credits rolls.

If I seem limited in how much I'm saying about this James Bond film, it's probably true. In a spy franchise that's been around for fifty-eight years, you eventually get to the point where the traditional formulas of these movies become almost indescribable for anything truly new, unique or original. Don't get me wrong - TOMORROW NEVER DIES is a fun Bond film with plenty of action to keep one interested, and Pierce Brosan continues to prove he was a good choice as the new Bond for the '90s. But it's this second go-around where things are starting to slip a little. Whatever dark tones his persona may have exhibited in GOLDENEYE (1995) are starting to slip as he begins to give in to the silly puns and jokes that typically turn any Bond film into something cheesy. It's even a shame to see a truly gifted actor like Judi Dench give in to lame puns like, "You just have to pump her for information." The film ultimately does its job by providing the excitement and style we've come to expect from the legendary British agent, though how seriously we're supposed to take the nature of evil when it falls into the hands of media news is entirely up to the individual. Remember, this is still the '90s, before TV and media influence were as serious a threat as they are today with networks like FOX News. Still, the message of TV and the media's influence on our lives even back then is evident.

Michelle Yeoh is perhaps the most badass Bond girl in the entire franchise, which leaves me to question exactly what we want from our Bond girls. Do we prefer them to be the independent women of strength and power as in this film and those of the past like GOLDFINGER, or do we prefer them to be more dependent and even helpless as in DR. NO or LIVE AND LET DIE. Before we automatically choose the former, let's consider and ask ourselves why Ursula Andress is still one of the most popular, if not the most popular Bond girl of all time. Sheryl Crow provides one of the better Bond opening theme songs I've heard since Duran Duran in 1985, with a combination of seduction and pure anger. And if anyone is fitting to replace Desmond Llewelyn wisecracking role of "Q", who better than MONTY PYTHON and FAWLTY TOWERS legend John Cleese?

But really, all of what I'm writing here may be considered trivial, at best. The real question is...what does Richard K. think of TOMORROW NEVER DIES? Let's all just wait and see...

Favorite line or dialogue:

Elliot Carver: "Mr. Wallace, call the President. Tell him if he doesn't sign the bill lowering the cable rates, we will release the video of him with the cheerleader in the Chicago motel room."
Mr. Wallace: "Inspired, sir."
Carver: "And after he signs the bill, release the tape anyway."











Saturday, February 1, 2020

TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A.



(November 1985, U.S.)

When TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A. was released in 1985, I more or less dismissed it as another cop movie, despite my love for William Friedkin's THE FRENCH CONNECTION (1971) and THE EXORCIST (1973). Then in the summer of 1986, I saw Michael Mann's MANHUNTER with William Peterson (later of CSI fame), and I was immediately taken by not only his outstanding performance, but the film itself. Realizing only then that Peterson was the star of TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A., I wasted no time in renting the movie. While it was certainly no FRENCH CONNECTION, it was, nonetheless, an impressive neo-noir action thriller with talented, unknown actors (at the time) and a new wave soundtrack by Wang Chung in the age of the MTV 1980s.

Peterson plays Secret Service agent Richard Chance, assigned as a counterfeiting investigator in its Los Angeles office. With a dangerous reputation of recklessness, Chance is determined to nail notorious counterfeiter Rick Masters by any means necessary (played by Willem DaFoe) after Masters murders his partner who was just three days away from retirement. His new partner John Vukovich (played by John Pankow) is more of a straight-shooter who does his job by the book, and must contend and keep up with Chance's recklessness and unethical practices.

After several attempts at surveillance and unsuccessful arrests of Master's known associates, the two agents are able to finally meet with Masters undercover as Palm Springs bankers interested in his counterfeiting services. But the agents needs to put up thirty thousand dollars front money to make the but, money the department cannot grant them. So Chance's solution is to kidnap and rob a man carrying fifty thousand dollars in cash to purchase stolen diamonds. This is heist gone terribly wrong, when the man is not only killed during the robbery, but inevitably leads to a high speed chase through the streets and highways of L.A. (Friedkin clearly trying to continue a reputation for a killer car chase sequence he started in THE FRENCH CONNECTION). Then they discover that the man they robbed and got killed was actually an undercover agent on a sting operation for the FBI. Chance is apathetic by his mistake, still determined to get Masters, while Vukovich is on the verge of a nervous breakdown from his guilt of their crime.

The two agents meet with Masters for the exchange, and that, too, goes terribly wrong, resulting in a shootout and Chance's death (sorry for the spoiler). Masters escapes, but is eventually caught and shot by Vukovich during a moment of blazing inferno inside a warehouse, in which Masters burns to death following his gunshot wounds. Vukovich is a changed man now, becoming the same sort of "whatever it takes" agent that his former partner Chance was.

William Friedkin is not a perfect director. Some of his films are classics, some are hardly that at all. TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A. may have easily been considered a comeback film after a series of less-than-great titles that began with SORCERER in 1977 (actually, I like that one). In the age of MTV and MIAMI VICE, the film is stylish, flamboyant, dazzling and perhaps even over the top in comparison to other crime films of the genre that offer a harder, darker edge to them. William Peterson is tough and smart, and easily comparable to someone like the late Steve McQueen in films like BULLIT and THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR. The city of Los Angeles is certainly no California paradise in its depiction of not only crime, but its grimy settings and cinematography. Even by today's standards of crime and cops, the film remains an effective study in police corruption and the immoral and brutal choices that ultimately corrupt one's soul. Friedkin successfully represents a cynical and nasty side of life in the city that may easily be considered the West coast version of his New York City in the early 1970s (I think Popeye Doyle and Richard Chance would have been good friends).

Favorite line or dialogue:

Rick Masters : "First you rip me off, then you set up Carl, now you want to fuck my lady?"