TROY

(May 2004, U.S.)

Let's face it - I'm more or less a product of whatever Hollywood chooses to show me on the big or small screen. I've never read Homer and I know nothing of Greek mythology. What little I know of Helen of Troy comes from the movies and the fact that Diane Kruger as Helen in Wolfgang Peterson's epic historical war drama is one of the most breathtakingly-beautiful woman I've ever seen on screen, though what she's doing with a boy like Orlando Bloom is beyond me. Condensed into just a few weeks in screen time, this is supposedly the entire story of the long Trojan War, in which the battle between the Greek armies of King Agamemnon of Mycenae and King Triopas of Thessaly is quickly averted when the great warrior Achilles (played by Brad Pitt), fighting for Agamemnon (played by Brian Cox), defeats Boagrius, Triopas' champion, in single combat after Achilles is initially absent from the battle. Prince Hector of Troy (played by Eric Bana) and his younger brother Paris (Bloom) negotiate a peace treaty with Menelaus, King of Sparta. However, Paris is sleeping with with Menelaus' wife, Queen Helen (Kruger), and smuggles her aboard their home-bound vessel (not a smart move, as it turns out). Menelaus meets with Agamemnon, his elder brother, and asks him to help take the city of Troy. Agamemnon agrees, as conquering Troy will give him control of the Aegean Sea.

In Troy, King Priam (played by Peter O'Toole in one of his final film roles) is dismayed when Hector and Paris introduce Helen, but welcomes her and decides to prepare for war.
The Greeks invade and take the Trojan beach, thanks largely to Achilles and his Myrmidons. They claim Briseis — a priestess and the cousin of Paris and Hector — as a prisoner afterwards. He is angered when Agamemnon spitefully takes her from him, and decides that he won't aid Agamemnon in the siege. That night in the temple of Troy, Priam discusses a strategy on how would they defend the city from the Greeks. Paris planned to duel Menelaus since he abducted Helen from Menelaus, which caused the war to occur. The Trojan and Greek armies meet outside the walls of Troy, and during a parley, Paris offers to duel Menelaus personally for Helen's hand in exchange for the city being spared. Agamemnon, intending to take the city regardless of the outcome, accepts. The fight is rather a pathetic one, in which Menelaus wounds Paris, causing him to cower behind Hector. When Menelaus attempts to kill Paris despite his victory, he himself is killed by Hector.

On Odysseus' insistence, Agamemnon gives the order to fall back. In the camp after Ajax and Menelaus were cremated, Agamemnon and Odysseus argue as to why they lost the battle. He gives Briseis to the Greek soldiers for their amusement, but Achilles saves her from them. Later that night, Briseis sneaks into Achilles' quarters to kill him; instead, she falls for him and they become lovers. Achilles then resolves to leave Troy, much to the dismay of Patroclus, his cousin and protégé.

Agamemnon finally declares that he will take Troy regardless of the cost. Odysseus concocts a plan to infiltrate the city. After seeing a carving of a horse by a Greek soldier, he has the Greeks build a gigantic wooden horse as a peace offering and abandon the Trojan beach, hiding their ships in a nearby cove. Despite objections from Paris who requests for it to be burned down, Priam orders the horse be brought into the city after Archeptolemus views it as a gift intended for calming the gods.

(at this point, if you're not thinking of MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL as I do, then you simply have no sense of humor!).

A Trojan scout later finds the Greek ships hiding in the cove, but he's shot down as he tries to alert the city. Greeks hiding inside the horse emerge, attack the sleeping Trojans and open the city gates for the Greek army, commencing the Sack of Troy. While Andromache and Helen guide the Trojans to safety through the tunnel, Paris gives the Sword of Troy to Aeneas, instructing him to protect the Trojans and find them a new home. Agamemnon kills Priam and captures Briseis, who then kills Agamemnon using a concealed knife in her hand. Achilles fights his way through the city and reunites with Briseis. Paris, seeking to avenge his brother, shoots an arrow through Achilles' heel and then several into his body. Achilles removes all the arrows but the one in his heel (ah, so that's what the expression means), and then bids farewell to Briseis, and watches her flee with Paris before dying. In the aftermath, Troy is finally taken by the Greeks and a funeral is held for Achilles, where Odysseus personally cremates his body.

(Wow! This is a lot of Greek names to keep track of. Good thing I watched this film before writing about it).

Met with only mixed critical reviews, I can't deny that TROY epic has its own rightful place alongside others of the type as BEN-HUR (1959), SPARTACUS (1960), and GLADIATOR (2000), in my opinion. As much as anything like it, it's an entertaining spectacle with some solid acting, though it may lack any real emotional payoff, particularly of the love between Helen and Paris, which is what initially triggers the entire "temper tantrum" that occupies the story. Brad Pitt and Eric Bana are modern actors in ancient roles, thus bringing a certain level of complexity that may be necessary in a 21st century production. Orlando Bloom remains a boy, and Helen Kruger...well, all I can honestly say is...DAMN, SHE'S HOT!

As for director Wolfgang Peterson, I can only say it's too bad the only American film he's made since TROY was the pointless remake POSEIDON in 2006. I mean, this is the same man who gave us such exciting thrillers as DAS BOOT (1981), IN THE LINE OF FIRE (1993) and AIR FORCE ONE (1997). But maybe he'll surprise us again someday...maybe.

Favorite line or dialogue:

Achilles: "Myrmidons! My brothers of the sword! I would rather fight beside you than any army of thousands! Let no man forget how menacing we are! We are lions! Do you know what's there, waiting beyond that beach? Immortality! Take it! It's yours!"