SPLASH

(March 1984, U.S.)

When considering the life and career of Tom Hanks, one of our most gifted actors of today, it's hard to believe the man ever did anything silly. And yet, were I to travel back in time to his career prior to the early 1990's, it seems that just about everything he did on screen was silly. Back then, I never would have imagined that the star of BACHELOR PARTY (1984), VOLUNTEERS (1985) and DRAGNET (1987) would eventually blow our minds with the Oscar-winning performances two years in a row with PHILADELPHIA (1993) and FORREST GUMP (1994), as well as the unforgettable SAVING PRIVATE RYAN (1998). Still, in 1984, I was hot to see SPLASH! It seemingly had everything that was familiar to me at the time. It starred that really funny guy from ABC-TV's BOSOM BUDDIES, that hot blonde chick from BLADE RUNNER (1982) and was directed by Richie Cunningham himself. I'd already seen his previous comedy with the Fonz, NIGHT SHIFT (1982), so it seemed that he had a knack for good comedy.

The film begins twenty years-ago in 1964 with eight year-old Allen Bauer nearly drowning after inexplicably jumping in the ocean while on vacation in Cape Cod with his family. Well, maybe not so inexplicably. Seems there's a little, blonde girl down there that he feels instantly connected to. He's with her only for a moment before he's rescued and will (seemingly) never see her again. Still, even as a child, whatever he felt when holding that little girl's hands proved quite strong because as a grown man, Allen (played by Hanks) has had nothing but failed relationships with women, perhaps never getting over what he felt as a child.

(or perhaps I'm getting way too psychologically-deep about a movie like SPLASH!)

Twenty years later, Allen and his older brother Freddie (played by John Candy) run their late father's wholesale produce business in New York City. Allen is depressed over his latest failed relationship and decides to return to Cape Cod to heal himself. Want to take a guess who he bumps into? She's all grown up, beautiful, naked (and played by Daryl Hannah) and instantly attracted to Allen. She's also apparently mute and communicates best by taking Allen and passionately kissing him (the best way to start a new relationship!). As the audience, we know she's really a mermaid, but Allen can't tell because she has legs out of the water. In the water, she's a most endearing fish who uses Allen's dropped wallet and maps aboard a sunken ship to locate New York City. Meanwhile, not too far down the shore, the ever-eccentric Dr. Walter Kornbluth (played by the ever-eccentric Eugene Levy) has witnessed the mermaid and is now obsessed with finding her again in the name of scientific discovery.

Let's now go to the island of Manhattan, where a naked, blonde woman has just arrived at the shores of the Statue of Liberty. This is a most pivotal scene in the film because it's the one and only moment we get to witness Daryl Hannah's ass in a PG-rated "family" movie (or perhaps it's just her body double)...

Anyway, what's the difference? It was a nice moment for a sixteen year-old young man with raging hormones for the opposite sex! After she arrested for indecent exposure, she's soon reunited with Allen and just as horny for his body as she was back in Cape Cod. Now in his care, she quickly learns English from American television and decides that she likes the name Madison for herself. Deeper and deeper in passion and in love do Allen and Madison fall, but it won't be too long before he discovers the fishy truth behind the woman he loves. Upon discovering her outrageous secret when she's exposed in public by Dr. Kornbluth with a garden hose, Allen is shocked, repulsed and even more confused about his love life than ever before (understandable). Inevitably, Dr. Kornbluth regrets his actions and decides to help both Madison and Allen escape their confinement at the hands of other greedy scientists. The escape scene is particularly noteworthy because it's one of John Candy's funniest moments as he not only convinces the guards that he's Swedish, but uses what he considers a useful piece of knowledge regarding Swedish porn films and the size of his penis (like I said before, this is a "family film). This is also perhaps where director Ron Howard is taking inspiration from Spielberg's E.T., as it's now a race against time for those who care about Madison to get her away from our big, bad, ol' government boys and get her back home where she belongs. So, steal the mermaid, steal a car, outrace the government and military forces through the crowded streets of Manhattan and we're eventually at the docks of New York harbor. Madison can go home now, but she can never return. Allen can go with her, and would survive under the water as long as he's with her, but he can never return. Just when we think that true love will not survive between man and fish, Allen jumps into the water and it's all happily ever-after as the two of them swim toward what appears to be an undiscovered underwater kingdom.

It's easy for me to criticize Tom Hanks as being nothing more than silly during the early part of his career. But even that silliness was always accompanied with true heart in every performance. One can be merely a clown on screen, or one can be a clown with promise and potential. Allen Bauer represents what is, perhaps, most positive in human nature's ability to believe in love and the prices one must pay in order to keep it. Even his idiotic older brother, with all his womanizing, perversions and letters to Penthouse magazine, believes in the power of love for those other than himself (at least the guy is honest). SPLASH, if nothing else, is fun and romantic, with just the right humor to support an actor who would one day go on to much bigger and better things.

Favorite line or dialogue:

Freddie Bauer: "So, how is she?"
Allen Bauer: "How is she? She's...a mermaid. I don't understand. All my life I've been waiting for someone and when I find her, she's...she's a fish."
Freddie: "Nobody said love's perfect."
Allen: "Oh, Freddie, I don't expect it to be perfect! But for god's sake, it's usually human!"