Friday, December 23, 2011


August 2009, U.S.)

I'm going to do something completely unprecedented with this post and start it with a dedication and proceed to move on through my discussion with additional dedications in conjunction with the story behind this film. Trust me, just read and you'll get it. Ready?

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER is dedicated to all my male readers whom, at one or more times in their lives, had their hearts pulverized with a sledgehammer by a woman he was deluded enough into convincing himself he was in love with...

This independent coming-of-age comedy/drama is presented in a nonlinear narrative, as it jumps from various days within the 500-day span of Tom (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Summer's (played by Zooey Deschanel) rocky relationship, indicated by an animation that includes the day's number; this summary is a linear version of the events to come in the film. Tom meets Summer, Tom likes Summer, Summer likes Tom, Summer has no interest in a boyfriend or true love, Summer leads Tom on, Tom falls in love with Summer, Summer inevitably takes a huge crap on Tom's face (not literally!) and leaves him in misery.

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER is dedicated to all my male readers who were stupid enough to put the wrong woman on a such a high pedestal she never deserved to be on in the first place...

Tom loves the way Summer smiles, the way Summer laughs, the way Summer looks when she sleeps, the cute little heart shaped birthmark on Summer's neck, the way Summer is probably the only person in the whole world whose favorite Beatle is Ringo Starr. Tom is so happily in love that he finds himself enjoying Patrick Swayse singing "She's Like the Wind" (???). Yes, it would appear that Summer is a true goddess in Tom's totally blinded eyes. But as the timetime of their "unlabeled" relationship jumps ahead by many numbers, Tom eventually finds that he HATES the way Summer smiles, the way Summer laughs, the way Summer looks when she sleeps, etc., etc., etc. Hey, at least some good comes out of this when he rightfully realizes what a HORRIBLE song "She's Like the Wind" is.

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER is dedicated to all my male readers who actually managed to have sex with the woman they thought they loved and managed to pathetically convince themselves that they had achieved the ultimate in human existence...

Tom has sex with Summer. Tom is very HAPPY he had sex with Summer. Tom is so happy he had sex with Summer and filled with the kind of self-confidence that would make even Han Solo proud that as a result, in one of the funniest sequences I've ever seen on film, imagines himself in a choreographed dance number with strangers on the street who share his joy, all to the tune of "You Make My Dreams" by Daryl Hall & John Oates (STILL a great song!).

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER is dedicated to all my male readers who fell for a woman who lead them into believing she WASN'T interested in any kind of serious relationship with any man and then to their surprise (and horror) ended up in a serious relationship (or even marriage!) with ANOTHER MAN while they could do nothing else but sit around and wallow in their own misery...

Summer claims she doesn't believe in true love, but what it turns Summer REALLY meant is that she doesn't believe in true love WITH TOM! Ouch!!! So Tom is left alone to suffer through his woes of being dumped and clings to life with only the help of Jack Daniels and a stack of Hostess Twinkies to get him through his days. Yes, people, men ARE bums, but women have been slowly catching up to us over the years!

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER is dedicated to all my male readers who, through their own hidden strengths and resilience, managed to pick themselves up, wipe away the dusty residue of that bitch who hurt them so badly, find the necessary closure they needed to move on and then eventually meet the woman who would be the TRUE love of their lives, the woman they would take as their beautiful bride, and the woman who would be the mother of their child (or children). THAT'S the woman who deserves the high pedestal!

Tom quits his useless job as a greeting card writer, literally wipes away the chalky white dust of the blackboard that was his former life and courageously starts over. He persues a career in architecture (which is what he studied in school) and while waiting at a job interview happens to meet the future girl of his dreams named Autumn. Yes, that's what I said! Her name is AUTUMN! That's so corny, so stupid, and an absolutely fucking PERFECT conclusion to the poetry of this film's message. What is that message? Well, damned if I know! Is it that love conquers all? Not necessarily. Is it that time heals all wounds? Possibly. Is it to just be a man and get over that bitch who broke your heart and move on? Yes, definitely, that's it!!

Finally, here is a line from (500) DAYS OF SUMMER that I'd like to dedicated to all those woman out there who took that poor naive son-of-a-bitch who was stupid enough to love them unconditionally and tore their poor little hearts apart with a meat grinder..."Roses are red...violets are blue...FUCK YOU, WHORE!"

On that note of good cheer, Happy Holidays, everyone!

Favorite line or dialogue:


AUTHORS NOTE: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

Especially you Jenny Beckman.


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